On Friday, the day before the kids’ arrival in California, I realized a certain productivity yielding tranquility. To document my efforts– and to have proof that peace once existed in this new house– I snapped some photos of scenes around the house. I had a feeling that within moments of the kids’ entrance all of my hard work would be undone. I know myself and I know my kids well. Utter destruction ensued. What I didn’t anticipate was the sheer disappointment I felt at knowing the outcome and yet still believing that somehow I could accept it lightheartedly.
I earnestly question at times such as these if I was meant to have children. And I seriously question if I was meant to have a dog. I am one who craves order, and somehow I was blessed with children whom I can describe only as chaos personified. Not to mention a dog who could reproduce an entire second pooch with the amount of fur he leaves behind with every shake and roll. I am constantly chasing elusive order.
This afternoon was a low point in my pursuit. We had a tough day, capped off with my little guy’s teacher home visit. The idea is that if the child bonds with his teachers prior to the start of school, the easier the transition will be in the classroom. I had prepared the kids for this visit for several days, laying out the expectations as well as the bribery. When the teachers arrived, I answered the door just as the giddiness, excitement and craziness was peaking in the kids’ response. Within moments, the wildness grew to the point that in the instant I turned to answer one of the teacher’s questions, my son had either tripped over his sister’s foot or was pushed by her, and here he was sliding head first down an entire landing of stairs to meet them nose first and full of tears. Oh, and that was the high point of the teacher visit, with the rest of the time actually going downhill from there.
My sanity is resilient by necessity. Each day I wake up thinking today is the day I conquer wildness and restore order. Now that I live in a land of palm trees, perhaps I can take a few minutes at the end of each day to escape fatigue and reality and somehow, just somehow use that exotic peacefulness which surrounds me to help recharge my batteries.